Pet Cemetery

Today was an extremely hard day, both physically and mentally. I had ordered a headstone for Oliver that we placed today. We also cleaned up the pet cemetery (which I keep typing as pet Semetery thanks to Stephen King), cut down a bunch of trees, and we cut some down so there will always be a ray of sunlight on Oliver. We also bought ceramic markers for all the cats buried there (Coco already had a headstone), and some of the cats that have just disappeared.

We still have a little bit more to do. We are going to the pottery place to paint little tiles for Dynamite, whose buried there, and all of the other animals we've had but didn't get to bury for whatever reason. (Cleo had to get an necropsy so she was sent away, Markie, Max and many others just disappeared-- animals have a tendency to run away from home when they are close to death.) Once those little tiles are done we will hang them on tree around the cemetery as a memorial.

The last thing we did was place Oliver's marker. His headstone can be seen from the house, like mom wanted, and it's so bittersweet. I don't want Oliver to be there, he needs to be here sitting next to me. I know it's extremely hard on mom, and I hate seeing her upset. At least we have that forever marker that says "if love alone could've kept you alive, you would have lived forever." The bear and Olivwr were drawn by Tommy and I designed the headstone. I love and miss Oliver so much.

Here are pictures of the cemetery, it looks really good. I'm so glad there's a beam of sunlight that will always be on Oliver. He was moms sunshine.

Memorial - Raiden Puddin' was one that was very old and ran away after 13+ years with us to pass.

Coco was the first dog I remember having. He was a sweet heart and ended up passing away during the blizzard of 93. He was old, and we started to realize he was sick and brought him into an office we had in the basement. Mom stayed with him all night and went upstairs and he died while mom was away, as if he was waiting to be alone.

Cookie the cat was Coco's best friend. She was devastated when Coco died and always laid in Coco's favorite spots. She missed him so much. She is buried here.

I found Crash and his brother Boo when they were kittens so young their eyes were still blue. They were randomly on a window sill at my apartment in Cincinnati freezing in the cold. We brought them back here because there were no no-kill shelters in Cincinnati and we couldn't let them die. Boo and Crash always slept on top of each other and loved each other so much. Evil raised them and was a good cat dad. Crash disappeared not too long ago, I believe he was stolen by a girl who lives up the road and hordes cats.

Hate and Leo were brothers. Leo was my baby and Hate was Tommy's. Hate died very young from feline leukemia. He's buried here. Leo stayed around for a long time, I used to sneak him into the house when mom and dad weren't home and let him sleep in my bed. He was an extremely sweet cat. I believe the girl up the road took him too.  I still refuse to believe that Leo died. Leo was also Chez's best friend, and when Leo disappeared Chez got extremely depressed. She wouldn't leave her cat house even to use the bathroom. It took mom and I 2 and a half years to finally get her to come out of the house to eat and use the bathroom. She's still very skittish.

Tara we didn't have for very long, when we got her we didn't realize that she was deaf and we didn't really know until right before she died. We came home one day to find her killed by dogs. She was a sweet girl, so loving. 

And Oliver, who I still can't believe is gone. The poor baby. I miss him so so much, and so does Church. Mom is devasted, and it's extremely hard. I'm glad he'll always be covered in sunlight and we can look out the window and see his headstone.

Here's the overall cemetery, from left to right is Crash, Raiden, Oliver, Cookie the cat, Coco, Tara, Leo, and Hate. 

😔😔😔😢😢😢it's been a ridiculously hard day.

Balsamic Pickled Onions

Balsamic Pickled Onions

Gluten Free

Vegetarian

Very good on sandwiches (especially cheesesteak type sandwiches) or salads and such.  Had them on a steak sandwich at Whole Foods and wanted to make my own.

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cook time: 30 minutes

Serves: 3

Ingredients:

1 medium onion, thiny sliced

2 Tbsp. sugar

1/4 cup water

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

Instructions:

1. In medium microwave safe bowl mix sugar, water, and vinegars until blended.

2. Put mixture in microwave for 2 minutes on high (or until boiling).

3. Add onions and stir.  

4. Pour onions and mixture into a closable container.  Seal and let stand in room tempurature for 30 minutes.  Serve. 

Light Chipotle Aioli

Light Chipotle Aioli

Gluten Free

Vegetarian

Great for dipping fries, adding to burgers or sandwiches.

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cook time: 5 minutes

Serves: 6

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp chives

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 tsp fresh lime juice

salt

pepper

1 cup Hellmann's olive oil reduced fat mayonnaise

1 Tbsp chipotle hot sauce (or chipotle chili powder)

Instructions:

Whisk mayo with chives, garlic, lime juice and chiptole hot sauce (or powder) to taste.  Season with salt and pepper.  Chill and serve.

Red Robin Copycat - GF Bleu Ribbon Burger

GF Light Bleu Ribbon Burger
Red Robin Copycat

Gluten Free

Sometimes I really crave Red Robin, but their burgers are so packed with calories.  Here is a lighter version that can easily be gluten free, or vegetarian (add a boca burger).  

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Serving: 1 burger

Ingredients:

1/2 Tbsp light chipotle aioli

1/4 cup reduced fat crumbled blue cheese

1 slice fresh tomato

1/2 cup lettuce, shredded

1/2 Tbsp butter

1 slice onion, raw

1 hamburger bun (Udi's for Gluten Free)

1 Bubba Burger, Turkey (Boca burger for Vegetarian)

1/2 Tbsp A1 Steak Sauce

Instructions:

1. Cook burger according to instructions.

2.  In a frying pan, spread butter, wait until warm, put buns in pan face down until golden brown.

3. Create sandwich with all ingredients.  Serve.

After PK and Ketamine

I'm finally home from my almost 3 weeks in San Francisco.  I'm so glad to be home, I missed my kitty baby, and it's nice to sleep in my bed.  I don't have to travel again until the end of May when I got back to the doctor.

The Patricia K Protocol (PK Protocol) went well, I think.  I had complications with my veins almost immediately after starting it.  I had a perphial line put on the first Monday, and by the next dose, it was bleeding out, swollen, painful and wouldn't flush.  Jim and Stacy, the RNs are very talented, especially Jim.  In the past he's put lines in that don't hurt, has the easiest time finding the hardest vein, and so on.  It was difficult.  For some reason my blood started clotting extremely fast (which he said is very common in lyme), but I've never had that issue before.  He'd put a line in, step away for not even 5 minuntes to mix medications and came back and it would already be clotted up.  We learned early to hepron as soon as the line was put in.

My veins would not draw back which is extremely unusal.  When putting a line in, they draw back a little bit of blood to make sure that it's correctly in the vein.  My lines were in the veins, but they wouldn't draw back.  Jim said it was a good thing just incase I lost an arm or something, but he's not seen that happen too often.  My veins collapsed several times, and had a blow out a couple of times.  My arms are still bruised, sore and have swollen areas.

The medication for the PK protocol is rough on the veins.  They cause them to close us sometimes, they cause them to just ache.  The one in particular that did this, of course I can't remember the name of it, but it was yellow and light sensitive.  Tommy called it pee, Jim called it radioactive.

I did the IV Ketamine treatment the last Thursday I was there.  I had to miss the PK protocol that day becuase they can't be missed, and had to go to Dr. G's new office which was near downtown San Francisco, kind of near the Castro.  I was very nervous about doing the Ketamine, I know I've read a lot of good studies on it, mom, Tommy and I did our research on it and we knew it was safe, but the idea of it was nerve wracking.  Dr. G was very nice, we actually did it in his actual office, so he could sit with me the whole time and watch.  As it started it was okay, until I moved my head and then it 'swooshed' over me and made my head feel really weird.  I started to feel more and more disconnected from around me.

Dr. G said "oh, there's only been one case of death... the guy was doing it unattended and did too much, and ran out naked into the street and got hit by a bus."  (Just to clarify this wasn't a patient of Dr. G, this was the only death reported from all of the studies done with Ketamine and depression).

The feeling was pleasant at first.  Mom said she could see the stress melt away from my face almost instantly.  I got giggly and I felt very disconnected, almost like an out of body experience.  I could hear and understand what Dr. G and my mom were talking about but it was so far away.  Things felt different, I was very interested in the functions of my hands for a while.  Things got difficult to move, like I had to physically thing about making my foot kick, or force myself and it was so difficult just to look up at the IV to see how much I had left.  The pain was instantly gone, my mood was extremely improved, and as the IV ended, within 10 minutes, I wasn't in a high state anymore and was able to walk out of the office.  I was perscribed the nasal spray, Dr. G said it shouldn't give me as much as a high, but is almost as effective.  He wants me to do it once a day until the effects start to last longer.

Ketamine, in small doses like I did, will chemically reset your brain, nerve receptors and all, fixing the pain and depression practically instantly.  There are no long term negative effects and it's not addictive.  The following day after the Ketamine treatment my pain was back and was 2 times worse than before.  But Dr. H & Dr. G said that it showed signs that it actually worked, which is awesome.  I just need to do more doses until it actually sticks.

After speaking with Dr. H today, he says I may need more than one dose a day, which kind of scares me.  I think I am going to start with every other day and go from there.

My body is finally accepting oral medications, so hopefully no PICC line for a while.  We will see how my body holds up. I've been completely gluten free since yesterday (not the biggest milestone, but you know, it's good.)  I was mostly gluten free while away in San Francisco but Vegas it was hard to do.  Like Tommy said "no one goes to Vegas to eat healthy."

After the trip to San Francisco we met Tommy, Shannon and Dad in Vegas to meet mom's diabetic alert dog, Cookie.  He was WONDERFUL he was so beautiful and took to mom instantly.  He instantly went and laid in her lap.  It was so sweet.  Nicole, the trainer, who brought Cookie was extremely sweet (and has a dog of her own named Cookie who looks like Quill.)  Quill got along so well with Cookie and they soon became best buds.  It was hard to say good bye but we will get to have him soon.

It was difficult for both mom and I after meeting Cookie, thinking about Oliver.  It was really hard on mom, but she stayed strong.  Certain things just remind us of Oliver and it breaks us down.  It didn't help that we walked into PetSmart in Vegas and there was a cat that looked so much like Oliver sitting there during their Pet Adoption day.

I'm exhausted, and I'm tired.  But I want to thank everyone who was in touch with me during my treatment.  It was an extremely difficult couple of weeks, and I really appreciated the short notes of encouragements, the cards. Josie sent a wonderful care package to the hotel that definitely put a smile on our face, and was wonderful.  Tommy stayed with us the first week in San Francisco to help, and I am so grateful for that.  I don't think we would have been able to do it without him.  Shannon was in town too visiting her mom and Brian, and came by to see how we were and spend time with us.  It was very nice.  Nicole, who lives in San Francisco, kept in touch and wanted to meet up, but neither of us felt like it, but she kept in touch which was really nice.  I got so many notes from people just saying "hey, I know this is tough, hang in there."  "Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you".  All those messages were so meaningful and made me feel loved.  I really appreciate it. It was all so thoughtful, and loving, I can't thank you enough.  You all made everything easier during this time.

Pepper and Onion Burritos

Pepper and Onion Burritos

Vegetarian

Gluten Free

I originally tried this as an enchilada, but when it cooks, it dries out and I didn't think it was so good.  The filling of the enchiladas was so good before being baked, it would be so delicious as burrito stuffing.  I use gluten free tortillas because I'm trying to be gluten free, but regular flour tortillas will work just as well.

Prep time: 30 minutes

Cook time: 10 minutes

Recipe makes 5 burritos

Ingredients:

1 can pinto beans (optional)

1 medium onion, raw

1 medium green pepper, raw

3/4 cup plain low-fat greek yogurt

1 1/2 cup salsa

5 flourless tortillas

1 can diced tomatoes with green chilies

1 4 oz. can of green chilies

2 teaspoons your favorite taco seasoning (mine was provided my lovely Allison!)

1 Tbsp diced fresh garlic

1 cup shredded cheese (either cheddar or mexican queso melting cheese (for Gluten Free, shred your own cheese, as regular packaged shredded cheese has a anti-caking agent that has gluten in it)

1 tsp canola oil

Instructions:

1. In a medium frying pan add canola oil to cover bottom and 1/2 tablespoon of garlic.  Sautee pinto beans (optional), green peppers, and onions until lightly browned.

2. In a mixing bowl mix greek yogurt, 1/2 cup of salsa, rest of garlic and taco seasoning.  Once mixed, add mixture into frying pan with peppers and onions, mix well and set off of heat.

3. Microwave tortillas until they are hot.  Fill each tortilla with about 4 scoops of filling.  Fold and plate burritos.

4.  In a large bowl, mix remaining salsa, can of tomatoes (drained), and green chilies (drained).  Use mixture to cover burritos. Add shredded cheese on top and put in oven on broil until cheese has melted.  Serve.

Fresh Vegetable Soup (Vegetarian, Gluten Free)

Fresh Vegetable Soup

Vegetarian

Gluten Free

This isn't my picture of the soup, first off.  I forgot to take a picture, but it looks very similar to this.  This is a recipe that I found on weightwatcher.com and modified.  Originally this soup was an appetizer but I added rice and changed some of the vegetables around to make it an actual meal.  Served with a piece of bread, it's actually a very filling meal.  To view the original recipe, click here.

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Serves: 6

Ingredients:

3 cloves of garlic, raw (minced)

2 medium carrots, raw

3 cups cabbage, raw

2 cups broccoli, raw

1 medium white onion, raw

1 medium red pepper, raw

2 ribs celery, raw

2 tsp thyme

7 cups vegetable broth

2 Tbsp parsley

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

2 Tbsp lemon juice

3 cups Basmati rice, uncooked

1 Tbsp butter

Instructions:

1. In large pot, mix all raw vegetables, garlic, and thyme with broth.  Cover and bring to boil over high heat.  Once boiling, reduce to low and simmer, covered, for 15 minutes.

2. Add 3 cups of rice to a seperate saucepan with water and butter, and bring rice to boil.  Reduce heat to low and let rice simmer for 10 minutes.

3.  After rice and soup has sat for approaprate amounts of time, add rice to soup.  Add salt and pepper to taste, and 2 Tbsp of lemon juice.  Stir and serve.

Quill's Birthday

Mom and I just realized that my last in office Dr. H appointment was on 9/23, immediately after Tommy and Shannon's wedding. This was the appointment where Dr. H told me that getting dog was a really good idea for me. This was also the same day that Quill was born! I feel like that means something significant!

On a side note, I hate being away from my Church baby for so long. Especially after what happened to Oliver, I hate that I'm not there to hug her daily. Dads sending me pictures every day though.

(church with Oliver's hump bear in the background.)

January 2015 Dr Appointment

Saw Dr. H this morning and completed day 3 of the patricia k protocol. With the PK protocol I'm up to 8 amps (started at 2.) they make me feel tired and have a huge headache and immediately after getting home I'm in bed. Today I slept for about 3 hours.

I had a perephial line placed Monday. Wednesday the vein blew out and the line had to be pulled and was moved to my left arm. It was fine, but this morning the IV wasn't feeling right, there was a weird pressure while it went in, it wasn't painful just felt different. I asked Jim if he could pull the line and he did. The place were the line was inserted is extremely sore and swollen. I had a weird rash on my arm for several hours afterwards. I don't know what happened to my line this time. Jim told me that my blood is coagulating extremely fast (which happens with lyme) but has never been an issue for me. Now my line will get clogged inbetween IVs, like in 5 minutes.

Next week I do ketamine treatment Dr. g.  I can't do the PK protocol that day so I'll just be skipping it.

I'm starting to add IV magnesium every day to my routine. I'm increasing lamictal to 100mg a day (5mg 2x a day). Lamictal  is a medication that's an add on to my antidepressant to try and help it work.

I'm adding the following antibiotics to my treatment:

Alinia

Septra

Suprax

I'm starting to do lymphomyosot shots daily to help my lymph nodes drain. I've done this before it's made from spider venom. :)

Increasing probiotics, adding castor oil topically to my liver, and adding the supplement catecholacalm 4 times 2/3 times a day. So that's it for right now. We will see how I feel. 

Patricia K Protocol

Tomorrow I started the Patricia K Protocol. The following is what I'll be doing every day for the next two weeks through IV:

Step 1: drip sodium phenylbutyrate - Sodium phenylbutyrate is a salt of an aromatic fatty acid.^[1] The compound is used to treat urea cycle disorders, because its metabolites offer an alternative pathway to the urea cycle to allow excretion of excess nitrogen.

Sodium phenylbutyrate is also a histone deacetylase inhibitor and chemical chaperone, leading respectively to research into its use as an anti-cancer agent and in protein misfoldingdiseases such as cystic fibrosis.

Step 2 & 5: Lipostabil ( Phosphatidylcholine ) the ‘German’ registered trade name of ‘Essentiale 303',consists of essential phospholipids from soya that are specially formulated for intravenous administration. Phospholipids are extremely important components of cell membranes. The integrity of the cell membrane is critical to the proper functioning of the cell. As the cell ages the phospholipid composition of the membrane changes and the cell's functions deteriorate and it loses its normal shape and elasticity. Eventually the cell dies and is destroyed by the immune system. Damage to the cell membrane, and thereby aging, is thought to be mediated by the actions of highly reactive chemicals referred to as free radicals. The damage caused by free radicals must be repaired in order to preserve normal cell function, and in order to do so, the cells need an abundant supply of the essential phospholipids phosphatidylcholine and deoxycholic acid. Lipostabil Phosphatidylcholine contains these important phospholipids and other essential nutrients that allow cells to repair damage and restore youthful function.

Step 3 & 6: Leucovorin is a reduced folic acid.  Leucovorin  is used in combination with other chemotherapy drugs to either enhance effectiveness, or as a "chemoprotectant." 

What Leucovorin Is Used For:

• In combination with fluoruracil to treat cancers such as; colon and rectal, head and neck, esophageal, and other cancers of the gastrointestinal tract. 
• As an antidote to effects of certain chemotherapy drugs such as methotrexate.
• Treatment of megaloblastic anemia when folic acid deficiency is present.

Step 4 & 7: Glutathione exists in both reduced (GSH) and oxidized (GSSG) states. In the reduced state, the thiol group of cysteine is able to donate a reducing equivalent (H⁺+ e⁻) to other unstable molecules, such as reactive oxygen species. In donating an electron, glutathione itself becomes reactive, but readily reacts with another reactive glutathione to form glutathione disulfide(GSSG). Such a reaction is probable due to the relatively high concentration of glutathione in cells (up to 5 mM in the liver). 

So, here we go.

Oliver, pt 2

It's been very hard to talk about Oliver's sudden death.  A lot of people have been curious about what happened and today mom decided it was time to talk about it and to share what happened.  She wrote the following and posted it on facebook:

I would like to thank all the people who showed interest and compassion in the recent death of Oliver. All the nice words, the texts and just acknowledging his death means more than words can express. Everyone who knew him loved him so. He was so sweet and incredibly loving. Several have asked and more have wondered what happened to Oliver last Tuesday (Dec 30, 2014). I apologize for the delay in answering this question, but the suddenness and disbelief is overwhelming. 

Last Tuesday afternoon Jamie and Oliver were sitting on the couch together like a hundred other times, nothing special about that day and nothing much different from every other day.  Oliver got up, jumped off the couch, fell on his left size and seized. Jamie screamed his name and I ran into the room to find him on the floor. I reached into his mouth and felt nothing in his throat blocking his air. He seized two more time. His eyes were moving slightly but he was limp when I picked him up. We ran to the car and Tom drove us the closest vet.  Jamie breathed two breaths of air into his mouth. As we approached they saw us, met us in the lobby and took Oliver. They asked us to wait in a room. When the vet came in she said he had passed.  She also said she could not find any evidence of stress, trauma or toxins. She suggested he either had a blockage or a blood clot. 

At the vet everyone was kind and very supportive.  I know by the look in their eyes they were also hurting.

Tommy and Shannon hopped a red eye and were here early the next morning. 

The outpouring of love and support is tremendous and greatly appreciated. 

“If love alone could have kept him here, he would have lived forever.”

Thank you all for caring. <3

Oliver always brought a smile to my face, he had so many odd little quirks.  I really still have a hard time believing that he is gone, and will occasionally swear I hear his collar, his footsteps, his mew, and his little feet around the house.   Life in this house will never be the same without him.

In my family, we don't have pets.  We have family members, and this is just as devastating to us as a loss of a human.  He was my little (annoying, stinky) fluffy brother.  I will miss his tremediously.

Below in the pictures is the story of how Oliver came about.  We let mom name Oliver, but she wanted help from Tommy and I.  When I met Oliver in the humane society, I instantly thought of the Disney movie Oliver & Company and started singing the "You and Me Together" song to him.  After telling mom, the name Oliver stuck.

I have so many pictures of Oliver, but these are my absolute favorite.

Stealing Church's Princess Pillow

My absolute favorite of Church and Oliver together, hugging each other in their sleep.

Oliver and Evil.

This llama means a lot, it was the llama my papaw was holding when he passed away.

Snuggle time with mom, every night, you could always find them snuggling together.

Aaron's first visit with Sabrina, about Oct 2013.  They bought a book of cat hats and put them to excellent use.

Smart.

Lookit those beautiful eyes

Petting cats with the hammer of Thor.

One of my absolute favorites of Tommy and Oliver.  How to hold a cat.  (He loved when Tommy did silly stuff like this.)

I remember this picture, I was going through some very bad days and Oliver took over Church's cat  nursing post to sleep with me.

He loved to watch Frank.

More cat-nursing with some of my first IVs in 2012.

His favorite spot, on the back of the couch looking out the window.  This is where he was hanging out with me right before he passed away.

I'd wake up at 4am and come out into the kitchen to get a drink to find Oliver sleeping in the chair he KNEW he wasn't allowed in.

"Oh, hey, is that Jason?"

This picture is so adorable.

The first picture ever taken of Oliver.  Tommy had moved to Amsterdam and we had had Evil staying with us until he went over seas, mom was sad that there wouldn't be a cat in the house.  I went to the humane society to find mom a kitten to surprise her with Christmas.  There was a new liter of kittens, about 4 or 5 of them.  I sat down on the floor to meet them all, and immediately Oliver crawled into my lap, started purring and fell asleep.  I instantly knew he was the sweetest, and wanted to take him home (even though we agreed we were just looking for a kitten, wasn't going to get one yet.)  Oliver came home with me that day, and stayed a couple weeks at my then boyfriend's house until Christmas day when we surprised mom, in 2005.

This picture of Oliver is so sweet. Taken after redoing the downstairs room.