I do this thing that I really have to learn to stop is that I still try and continue to do things full force. A lot of days I just flat out can't do anything but those days where I have a slight bit of energy I always really over do it because I want to have a "normal" life.
I did start back working and they are soooo understanding of everything and are allowing me to work minimally and do what I need to do to recover, so it's nice to be able to work, even if for a day or two after I can't get out of bed. It gives me something.
I got the PICC line placed today. Should know tomorrow what antibiotics I'll be put back on. Last PICC I had was July - Dec of last year, but in September my body started rejecting all medications and I had to stop everything. At tommys wedding I was bit by another tick and had a bullseye rash (Lyme on east coast is different than west coast, too) and because of my antibiotic resistance they couldn't do anything to treat it. They've tried periodically to restart antibiotics and I think in February the oral ones started to help again, but have killed my stomach. I can't hold food down very well, and it's miserable. That's gone on for about two months, and we tried several other things before deciding I needed to go back on the PICC. Christmas Day I had to use a cane for the first time to help me walk. :( it's been on and off having to use it, I do everything i possibly can not to use it because it's embarrassing to me. I really need to use it at work but I absolutely refuse to.
This last two months, too, I've been in so much pain. I don't like the use prescription pain pills and whenever they give them to me in the hospital or my doctor prescribes them I end up kind of hoarding them... I have collected a lot in the last two years, but have gone through all of them these last two months. My doctor did find a pain medication patch that will give me a constant pain relief for 3 days without the mental side effects that make you feel loopy and weird (which is what I absolutely hate). So far it works okay.
Neurological wise I've been hit pretty bad since February. I am having a really hard time writing, and typing stuff that makes sense. I keep messing up works and having a hard time counting. The concept of being able to count time (like 30 minutes from now) is almost completely gone, I just can't do it for some reason. Whenever I go on break at work I have to text mom to get her to tell me when 30 minutes are up.
Hopefully once I start the IV antibiotics the pain, and issues with my mind will slowly go away. I do think I'm strong (and stupid) because I hide a lot. I try to show personality and such on Facebook or when I talk to people at work because I just don't want people to know. I'm really good at faking looking healthy but it always screws me up in the long run. I have those days that I can barely function (more often than not now) but I don't tell anyone. The only people I feel comfortable with seeing me at my lowest point is my mom, Tommy and my friends Sabrina and Josie. They are the only people I will not hide anything from. Even though so many others are supportive, I just can't do it.
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